Becoming a blogger

My whole life I have dreamed about becoming a writer – well, sometimes. Actually when I dream, I mostly dream about being a ninja assassin. Tragically, my parents were never killed in a mysterious car accident and I never got taken by a secret group of men that continuously and harshly beat me in an underground training compound until I became physically hardened and emotionally dead; a super cool ninja assassin that hates the whole world and everything it stands for. Oh yeah, and I would be totally ripped too! But no, I just had the stupid normal kind of childhood that causes eating disorders, confidence issues and erectile dysfunction. 

I cannot say that my childhood was not a scary, cold and lonely place though. Or that it did not involve copious amounts of emotional and physical abuse. All childhoods are scary and cause some kind of emotional, physical and even spiritual scarring. If yours did not then you did it wrong and you should go back and try again. This time you can actually be the cool kid, just watch a couple of random movies from the 80’s – it does not matter which ones, they all have the same theme. Only beware, if you actually give a high school girl money to hangout and possibly make-out with you in front of the cool kids in order to win their approval, it will totally work and you will not go to jail either. Even her Dad will understand once you actually explain it. So have at.

My point at the beginning of this article was that I have always wanted to be a writer – sometimes. But, lacking the time, talent and something to write about, I have always put it off. I would talk about it sometimes with my wife and friends.

Me: (Mysterious and contemplative far away look) You know what I would do if I had the time?

Wife: Write?

Me: Porn! (It pisses me off when she interrupts my verbal fantasizing).

Wife: Good. You would make a terrible writer. (She is aware).

Me: I um…(Not witty enough to counter).

Wife: Not witty enough to counter?

Me: You suck! (Eating disorders, confidence issues and erectile dysfunction). 

Having brain cancer has granted me an ample amount of time to write; no excuses. But, unfortunately I do not have the type of brain cancer that John Travolta had in Phenomenon, or I would have better things to write about and you might still be here to read it (I am sure that you bailed when I was talking to my wife, I get it). With nothing to write about and a lot of time to write about it, I find myself day dreaming about being a ninja a lot. And also of living out my dream of wanting to be a writer – but, only sometimes.