Shaggy Shuffle

Well it has been over a month since my last post, for reasons I will get to shortly, and I thought that I should probably write something to let everyone know what I have been doing, the current condition of my health, and then some random musings to make it all awkward.

First, my health status: my mom has been making her own updates, but I should probably put my own words to it – I have a blog after all – I have not improved! That's never fun to say! (The exclamation mark makes it a little better though). But I have been given copious amounts of new drugs for masking, dulling, painkilling and “The Red Pill” - I'm not sure what it is for though.

With that being said, I am not getting worse at an accelerated pace like we all thought; the disease has actually been very slow growing so far. The problem however, is that it does not need to be very active to do severe damage. I go to bed at night feeling pretty good and then wake-up missing a function that I had come to know, love and over the years, take for granted – like speaking clearly.

As of now though, I am feeling well; turns out that I had so much swelling in my brain that it was causing physical, cognitive and verbal issues (my wife was finally able to talk about her day – in excruciating detail – and I had to sit there and take it). But since the swelling is down, and though I still do not possess the runaway capabilities I once did, I might be able to block her punches after she reads this.

Also, I have been writing – a lot.

I wrote book one, and have been editing, narrative and voice issues mostly, but grammar and dialog as well. My wife has been reading it to my kids, the stars of the book, and they have really liked it.

I am now about 40% of the way through my second book and I am really proud of it. The first book was a huge learning experience of trial and error (originally I tried writing about my childhood, but that was disastrous). So, my first book is actually my second effort and we are in the increasingly complicated endeavor of trying to self-publish copies for family and friends before Christmas – when we get a better handle on it I will let you know in case you want to order one.

Other than the exciting news that the chemo isn't doing what I want it to, and I am sure that's the same for a lot of us, I am adjusting – what else can one do?

Sometimes it feels as though I live in the eye of the storm; the world is spinning and circling around me in a high-speed-chaotic-mess and I am just sitting here typing. Sometimes I lose a function here or there, but I adjust, I adapt, I find my bubble of solitude and watch as the chaos around me makes me dizzy. Things get set down, things get picked up; I type. Questions are asked, questions are answered; I type. I show up to doctors’ appointments, MRI's, Chemotherapy, physical therapy and family functions when possible; I type. Whenever I seem to leave my little-bubble of solitude, I feel like a kite that has been pulled into the storm and I am immediately overwhelmed.

I wonder sometimes, if I really ever moved so fast and if I had the option to again, would I?

So take for granted whatever you can now, because when you actually become aware that you no longer have it, it is a hard pill to swallow – and eventually, we are all going to have to.

Go strap on your running shoes, try something new and exciting, take some risks, take some time, don’t over analyze and last, don't be too critical of anything, ever.

Life is supposed to be enjoyed, enjoy it.

And if all that fails to motivate you, you can always laugh at my Scooby Doo and Shaggy impersonation that I do in the shower whenever the floor has been thoroughly soaped and I am about to eat it!

Until my next post!