Cancer Update - Two

As promised, here is the dramatic conclusion to… the Cancer Update…

Keep in mind that sequels are never as good.

When we last saw the evil and dastardly Meat Wad (my brain tumor), it was unclear whether the sneaky bastard was dying a slow and hopefully painful death or just playing dead while in reality attempting a coup d’etat in an effort to acquire more real estate of the perfectly populated, very simple and slightly eccentric land of MyBrainlandia (sneaky-ass MW).

Meanwhile, back at the ranch (in reality though, they’re occupying the same space), David was as excited as a puppy with two peters (classic ranch speak). Because David was going to get a positron emission tomography (pet) scan; a scan that would provide the necessary information that would allow him and his specialized team of highly trained doctors to outmaneuver and foil MW’s evil plans of total brain domination and ultimately, annihilation. The scan is a fairly simple procedure that involves injecting a radioactive dye loaded with glucose into your bloodstream in order to observe if the tumor in your brain is active enough to feed on the glucose. The doctor that handled the super thick lead coated futuristic looking syringe that he removed from the even thicker lead carrying case that looked like the cases that mad scientists, superhero villains and James Bond style assassins hold very poisonous super thick lead coated futuristic looking syringes in, assured me that it was completely safe as he was making his way for the door immediately after injecting me with the disappointingly non-glowing non-superpower granting radioactive material.

I was then told to sit in a dark room and not fall asleep for fifteen minutes while waiting for MW to start feeding on the sugary goodness that I myself have not been allowed to enjoy since having MW (I still eat too much sugar, but the guilt of the sugar fertilizing Meat Wad makes it only partially enjoyable). Then I was put into a machine that scans the activity of the radioactive glucose. The whole process was just a couple of hours and was extremely boring and non-eventful. It has taken a lot of thought (which is not my strong suit – my skills lie within the arts of procrastination and belly aching) to make it entertaining for you readers of this pointless blog (you’re welcome).

Short story long, the highly anticipated results showed no tumor growth activity (which is great) but, most likely, means the discoloration around the tumor is necrosis or dead brain tissue (which is bad). It is 100% normal for the radiation treatments that I went through two years ago to cause necrosis of the affected tumor. What is not normal though, is that the necrosis in question is not of the dead matter of the radiated tumor, but instead is of the surrounding healthy brain matter (brain damage).  My mom has assured me though, that she has figured out that God, through her prayers, is killing my brain to rid me of the tumor. On the bright side though, the tumor cannot expand or grow through the great wall of death that has incased it.

Now you are all caught up and know everything that I know, plus what you already knew, thus you actually know more than I do and can stop reading right…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………here.