My Name is David

Well, this is going to be my new Blog, a place of narcissistic babble that attempts to externalize my rational in a coherent and semi-competent stream of thought for remedial purposes. So let’s let the healing begin.

My name is David, and I have brain cancer. It’s honestly very weird to say it that way. I want to say, “My name is David, and I have a self inflicted illness that is a direct consequence of a previous daring, brave or even just a moronic action that I performed of my own free will and therefore had at least attempted to enjoy the “Blank” that has forever impaired my physical and intellectual abilities. I might be dieing faster, but at least I am very ill.

Maybe I should analyze this from a spiritual tit-for-tat karmic kin of view; if “My name is David” was a television show, my bad karma list would look something more akin to Schindler’s list then Earl’s. Or I can have a Biblical kind of “the sins of the father” thing, but my Dad has a heart condition and the guilt might make his heart feel a little guilty. Also, I can’t blame it on God, because I am afraid of him.

I guess the first thing that I will say about cancer is that cancer makes you take a really hard look at your current life and come to what I believe must be the universal conclusion for all those that have cancer. That is “I don’t really want to have cancer”. After that, the rest of the dribble that pours forth is just a bunch of garbage that you spout to your family and friends about how you have discovered the importance of relaxing and about your new found insights gained from the knowledge that you are possibly dying, at least faster than the people around you. Truth be told, I have not found any perspective from being ill, other than, I just don’t like being ill.

Maybe the hardest part though, is that plans are a thing of the past and all goals become crushed and distorted by time and physical constraints. I am in the process of figuring out which goals have to be abandoned completely and which ones can be modified or only partially accomplished.

Did I mention that this Blog is supposed to be my humorous and light-hearted diary of having soul crushing brain cancer and the hilarious situations that I find myself in? No? Wait until you read next weeks post about my dexamethasone (steroid) induced hunger rage, a beaten child and a brownie.