My Blog

When I started writing this blog, I did so in secret. I have never been confident in my writing abilities and was not sure that I even wanted anyone to know I was writing at all. Other than business memos and the occasional erotic suggestion letter slipped into the offering basket at church, I have never written anything outside of college. Only two weeks after starting this blog (and really only 3 days after announcing its existence), I have had over 1,000 views into my mental musings – all of them coerced and guilted by family and friends of course (I know that guilted is not a word by the way, but it should be). Now, like it or not, I am exposed and feel like I am butt-naked on an extremely well lit and very cold stage (I am way more impressive when it is warm AND you are drunk).

It is an odd and slightly stressful thing to post my thoughts into a public forum for all to view, and worse, consider. This blog is supposed to be some kind of therapeutic emancipation from the permanence and struggles of brain cancer – and possibly some kind of therapy for others with terminal illnesses as well (my guess is that I allow others to think, “I might be sick, but at least I am not that jackass writing this blog”). It has to be slightly amusing that in an attempt to mentally deal with a stressful and permanent condition I am choosing a medium that is also stressful and permanent (this blog is as visible and stylish as mouth herpes and I am only hoping that it will not be as enduring or have that bad herpes after taste either – you’re welcome for the image).

If you have been reading this blog, then you are either my mom (hi mom) or my wife (I know you’re shy, so I won’t say hi to you here in the open like this) and if this is your first time here, I can tell you honestly that this is as good as it gets - sorry. The truth is that I get really bored sometimes and I hate talking on the phone (actually, I don’t mind the talking, it is the listening part that sucks) and I do not want to start muttering to myself (any more than necessary, that is). 

If you have not read this blog, it is a fairly dull and snail paced account of how my life has slowly become a blend of different Michael Keaton movies. After surgery and during radiation treatments I looked and smelled just like Beetle Juice (we both looked like we smelled like pee). And now life resembles some sort of combination of My life and Mr. Mom (both movies are depressing and discouraging, but Mr. Mom makes you want to die and My Life makes you want to live). Either way, if I have to be living a Michael Keaton movie I’d rather be in Batman or Johnny Dangerously.

It’s my blog though, so I should probably just make something up or just word it better.

(Life Reworded)

This week I used my super human abilities to not only restrain a deranged and extremely angry middle-aged madman with a brain tumor from beating and choking to death a small annoying child and his damn dog that chews on everything (even though both child and dog really deserved it), I also valiantly destroyed several evil and malicious inanimate objects that were obviously trying to wound and/or kill me and my family (the evil toe stubbing chair leg, Satan's evil scatterings of small and very sharp toys, the demon possessed vacuum cord that continuously wraps itself around a man’s bad leg in an attempt to kill him and that stupid sliding rug have all finally met their match). Next I will figure out a way to destroy or at least seriously injure that damn slippery shower – maybe I will just smack some divots into the shower floor with a bat. Because I’m Batman… You know, because Michael Keaton was Batman and the bat shower thing – it’s not funny if I have to explain it.