Blogging Less

Lately, I have been neglecting my blog in favor of a book that I am attempting to write in between social obligations, chores and you know, the ol’cancer thing. You probably have not noticed, or have in fact noticed, and are enjoying the much-needed break from blog obligation and are in the process of letting your mind return comfortably to its natural guilt free state. The book I am writing, by the way, is going to address the current political and health issues that are plaguing our modern society; how to grow our consumer driven economy in a sustainable and environmentally safe manner, immigration reform policies, corporate farming issues, soil bleaching, genetically modified foods, the gun control conundrum, big oil, pesticides, hair loss, starvation, obesity, poverty, corporate welfare, social welfare, social security, pollution and global warming will all be discussed in a no-holds-bar format – I will even be including recipes and exercise tips. Cannibalism: the complete “how to” guide of hunting down, killing, preparing and eating our elders for a better tomorrow, by D.S. Randel, will hopefully be on the shelves by 2015.

In all seriousness, I really am writing a book. It is just a collection of stories about my childhood and growing up in a large, not-so-well-to-do family of mischievous boys. I am calling it The Troublesomes, which is a name that I pirated from my sister, who, unless she can come up with a way to be a lot more exciting and interesting a decade ago, will not have a very large part in my book. (Pick it up Tami). I can tell you, however, that my condition is worsening every day and making it near impossible for me to focus on more than a couple of tasks a day. I unwillingly have to rest more now than anything else and I hate it. This includes writing, as it is becoming increasingly difficult to control my right hand for long periods of time and the simple act of the necessary concentration rapidly drains me.

For these reasons, I will be posting less and focusing what I can towards producing my bucket book. I will however, be posting medical updates of significance whenever I can. They will, most likely, be shorter and more to the point, which might have actually suited you fine in the first place.

My next post will include the date of my surgery and then I am pretty sure that this blog will eventually wrap up with a “Flowers for Algernon” type of fizzle.

David out.

Cancer Update 4

Cancer Update 4

Cancer Update 4, possibly the most awesomess and definitely the most newestess update yet, brings us back full circle. I am once again having brain surgery, but this time there is the added excitement and very possible possibility, though extremely unlikely, that I will become one of those zombies from the walking dead (paraphrasing doctor here). I would prefer to mutate into a superhero or vampire or at the very least something a little less moldy, limpy and slimy – I just don’t want my face to have any open wounds that ooze cottage cheese and French fries.

Here’s the deal, I am the proud owner of a defused tumor (it is not a solid tumor, but rather it has a kind of chaotic web or net shape), which has become active again. Because it is defused and in a highly sensitive/complicated area of my brain that controls the motor functions of the right side of my body (along with numerous other functions) it is too risky for another resection type of surgery (it would be nearly impossible to not remove brain matter along with the cancer). This obviously limits the treatments that are available to me. There is however, the option of doing chemotherapy again. The problem is that the blood-brain-barrier limits the types of chemo that I can be on and most of the available treatments work best in conjunction with radiation, of which I have already received the life-time maximum dose allowed.

Solution? Apparently a virus.

I have been selected to be part of a trial that involves injecting a virus, which carries its own unique DNA, into all of the individual cancer strands in my noggin. The hope is that the virus will bond with and, therefore, mutate the cancer, allowing doses of an anti-viral treatment to target the infected cancer. The nine patients that have preceded me in this trial (at UCSD), have all been manually injected with the virus at the point of resection. I will be the first to undergo the treatment using a combination of cameras and robots while inside an MRI machine.

They are going to drill a quarter size hole into my skull and use a small catheter to pump the virus into the infected areas via the MRI images. The surgery will last about nine hours and there is a possibility that all that radiation from the MRI will give me cancer (lets hope not). There is also the slim chance that the virus can mutate and spread, causing, I assume, really awesome side effects. Granted, I only have Hollywood movies to base this on, but insofar as I can tell, all of the movies depicting cancer have been 100% accurate. Which is really amazing when you realize that I am only about 40% accurate. I’m working on it though.

One more cool thing about this and then I will leave you alone – promise. On top of having another extremely sexy head scar, the quarter size hole in my skull will be left alone for skin and scar tissue to fill in. I have not had a cool soft spot like this on my head since I was a baby. I have to say here, that I remember that when I was a toddler and still had that extremely sought after soft spot on my noggin, that women could not keep their hands off of me: They kissed me, squished my head into their boobs and seemed to take my pants off every chance they got. I am 90% sure that there is a correlation here and I feel that I need to be proactive in this situation: I am married. No matter how irresistible you find men with squishy bald spots on their heads, you must keep your hands to yourself. Now, I realize that this will become increasingly hard for most women when I teach myself a couple of alluring and sexually stimulating bar tricks. For example: “Ta-Da, Where did your quarter go?” Or maybe I will be able to plug my nose, blow really really hard and make bubbles. The possibilities are endless. Take care all.

I wonder if the next time I fall out of the shower and smack my head on the toilet, if it will suction cup? I will let you know.

Cancer Update 3

Cancer update 3

Hi and welcome to the third installment of the third most popular way to find out about my health status. That is correct; this is the critically acclaimed and highly anticipated segment of this blog: Cancer Update.  If you have not read this segment before, you are missing out and are in for an amazing treat. This segment is the intellectual equivalent of breast-feeding your mind, and it should be your primary source of nutritional information, but only if you would like your mind to grow-up big and strong with actual facts. Otherwise you can always get your information from the two leading outlets: My mom and my wife. Be forewarned though, that yes, all their information might be derived from actual facts, and yes, from obsessively studying all the available information that they can get their hands on, and okay yes, they actually listen to the doctors when they’re speaking to us instead of making jokes and using all the time the doctors are speaking to formulate convincing arguments as to why they do not need seizure medications and that they should be given a prescription for one of those cool robot legs that would allow them to run like the wind, look like a rad super hero or at the very least, be able to kick small kids and squirrelly animals that always scurry in their way and trip them. But, can either of them give you the status of my condition in a way that leaves you with feelings of indifference and slight amusement? I have talked to them both in great length of my condition and I can tell you from experience that no, they cannot – they are both complete bummers and should be avoided as a source of news about my health. That is unless you wanted to be bummed-out, of course.

The Update: I am increasingly losing more function and sense of my right side due to an indeterminate mass that is growing in my noggin. The panel of neuro oncologists are split 50/50 on whether the growth is due to a mutation of the tumor that is beginning to branch out and spread or if the mass is actually delayed narcosis from the radiation treatments. If you are thinking that this scenario does not sound that different from the last Cancer Update… Well, that is kinda how it goes – get used to it.

The takeaway? No matter how eloquently or passionately I argue my case, they will most likely keep denying me that cool robot leg that I want and I will have to drag this crappy semi-detached Franken-foot for the rest of my life. Cheers.

Post Script.

My mom read my latest blog (this one) and has informed me that (1) Nobody cares about the stupid robot leg thing and (2) the description of my current condition was lacking. I needed to include that there is a panel of specialists meeting this Friday to discuss the appropriate action to take.

And the choices are: Have a virus coded with its very own deoxyribonucleic acid implanted in my brain tumor via a large needle inserted through my skull. I would then take a kind of antiviral-chemotherapy that would hopefully target the tumor and leave the rest of me alone. It is experimental and I would only be the 7^th person on the study at the Moore’s Cancer Center.

-Or-

Go back on Temodar (chemotherapy) for brain tumors. Which is the rat poison that I was on last year. 

-Or-

Start Avastin: A type of chemotherapy that is pumped through a permanent stint in your chest and does something or other and probably sucks as well.

Cheers.